My mother just gave this to me, it's THIS WEEK'S cancer's (my sign) horoscope in the local weekly guide for movies, restaurants, bars, concerts, etc. They were trying to be funny, I guess. Here's the translation for the non Hebrew readers:

CANCER (22.6 - 22.7)
In this time you spend a lot of time with people, influence them and being influenced by them. But even if you raise enough money to start a party (for the parliament), it will be overruled because of your racist views, and exposing your criminal record will leave you without family or friends. However, it seems that your relationships involve a lot of confusion and your judgment is not as sharp as usual, therefore it won't interfere when you will appoint a 7 years old girl to be your number two in the party's list.

I swear to god it's real. it's amazingly accurate but I have two corrections: she isn't 7 years old and I never promised number two.

No more Mr. skeptic.