(I was asked to write a text about DOUBT in the context of freedom for the 4FREE publication, BuroFridrich,Berlin)

DOUBT    

Today I was reflecting about my situation.
Living here, in Israel, in a long weakening war like (hyper) reality. I was thinking about a comparison with my European friends' situation. I'm supposedly under current danger of sudden death by terror. I know people who have been killed, bombs have exploded in areas where I go to, where I live, sometimes in my proximity. I can identify and differentiate between the sound made by a super sonic boom and a car bomb. I can even guess how many Kilo's of explosives...
I hear the radio all the time, news, news flashes, a news analysis program and new news again. I walk in the streets of Jerusalem and encounter the conflict in every step. Soldiers with guns, civilians with guns, policemen with guns, (maybe a terrorist with guns?), a left bag on a bench, two soldiers questioning someone, checking his ID, someone looking at me suspiciously, trying to figure out whether there's really a camera in my bag or explosives with little metal nails.
On the ride back home I see the remains of the '48 war, only to realize that also the '67, '73, '82, '87, '90… and all that was and is happening during, is also evident everywhere. Even on the faces of people around.

And then I think about my friends in Berlin, Stockholm, London, Brussels, Zurich, Turin, New York and Amsterdam. The 'Free World'.
Free of this persistent awareness.
Free of this need for news. Of having one ear listening to the radio (even while trying on a new Jacket in 'ZARA'). Free of always watching out from suspicious objects and humans. Free of spending their lives as reserve soldiers.
Free of being constantly reminded how free they are.

But I remember going out from (army) prison after spending a month there.
I felt so free. I loved the streets and cars and shops and the bus that took me back home. The scenery was the same as before but my attention was different.
Like someone experiencing drugs for the first time, suddenly being conscious of a whole new facet of something thought to be perfectly known, familiar.

Someone said that ignorance is bliss. I wonder, maybe ignorance is just ignorance and bliss doesn't mean much without the knowledge of misery?
I also wonder about the 'Free World'. How free it really is? Are my 'Free World' friends freer than me when we pay income tax? Value added tax? House rent? Insurances? Bills?
Are they freer than me when we decide: Adidas or Nike? Microsoft or Apple? Left wing or right wing?
When we need a mobile phone, internet, car, laptop, drugs, DVD, bigger tits, bigger house, more stamps on our passport, a newer stereo, more vacation?
A promotion?
Or when eating the same genetically engineered food? Drinking the same polluted water, absorbing the same radiation?
The same free brainwash from the same TV channels teaching us how to think as free individuals?

Doubting Thomas is always being depicted as poking two fingers (at least) inside Jesus' open wound.
Maybe he was only curious about how deep the cut was?