Just noticed the date, nice, ha? almost full moon today, tomorrow is the cruel full moon of Passover night, a friend had a schizo attack last night, not a pretty sight, she credited the moon among other, many reasons.. but I know, this Passover night moon is the hardest, it gets to me every year in a very emotional way. I remember one night, many years ago, I was not more than 10-12, on the way back from Haifa to Jerusalem after the ceremonial "Seder", gazing at the moon thru the window, totally hypnotized, the whole way back, with the most intense feeling I ever had, deepest aching passion, yearning, burning with desire; the only place I wanted to be was there - on the moon.
I was wholly magnetized.
this is also the time of my father's death, I was less than 3 years old, can't remember what I was told and how the holiday was celebrated, but somehow this holiday has some dark heavy residue for me. I can feel it on my small family as well, we all go crazy in a way.. (that explains the item from last week; he died one day before my brother's birthday, that's what my mother said when we started dinner..), always very strong, mostly negative emotions. Shit. Last year I dodged it, had an alternative family-refugees Seder with friends in Tel Aviv, not so lucky this year, going to be tough, I know, hard for me to connect to my family, hard to endure these few hours usually.

but light is here, coming excitingly fast (~300,000 Kms!); in two days a big truck comes here to take me and my life in boxes away from here - to Osishkin St. north Tel Aviv, the complete opposite to where I am now, in all ways. The next item will probably have a positive resonance from the big wonderful Yarkon Park, just outside my door!!

Never the less I can't forget my friends behind the big wall of fear and hate, probably under curfew during our holiday night to make us feel safe when singing and drinking and praising our good god to make us FREE some thousands ago.
I ask their forgiveness.