My uncle the dentist in Haifa sends me to his colleague to get another opinion. The taxi driver voluntarily updates me with the latest morning news; two soldiers kidnapped, eight soldiers killed by Hezbollah in the north. I understand the context for the fragment of loud conversation I just heard before entering the taxi between the vegetable store owner and somebody; “crush them, bomb them, fuck them” (or whatever in this direction). The taxi driver analyzes the recent events and explains, voluntarily again, what should be done to “them” and with which means. He stops when he realizes we might not share the same political/military agenda. In the waiting room I must be impressed with the certificate on the wall stating my dentist is also a retired Colonel in the IDF. In his room he explains to me very gently and in the same tone about the angles of the teeth, the effect of pressures in the jaw, and that the Army has to invade Beirut and stay there for a while. Later with my mouth open and a drilling machine working inside it, he continues gently: “ok, I'm just removing a few tenth of a millimeter; Sarah, I need more suction here; we should go in Beirut immediately and siege it until the soldiers are returned; try closing your teeth now, is it better?”
Back in Jerusalem, I read bloggers from Beirut, watch live Missile attacks on Israel’s north, Air raids on Lebanon. I chat with stressed Nat stuck in Beirut and see some free films in the Jerusalem Film Festival in a dead boring atmosphere this year. No excitement, no fun, no joy coming back here… Not that I care, really, I’m not surprised or stressed or disappointed or anything, I just try to explain to myself again and again why I came back, and how I can’t just find a village to settle abroad without knowing people there, having connections and citizenship, etc…

Tomorrow I can finally leave Jerusalem and head down south to the Negev, to search for my new possible future in the villages around. I discard the latest negativity, fatigue and doubts stuck on me this last week and resume the positivity I re-found somewhere in the streets of Vienna. I re-mount an artificial smile that I hope will convince my soul to believe in it after a while.